Updated: Jun 9
An Odd Tale
I recently came across something a little odd I thought I would share. Next time you go to the woods wear a chastity belt and take some mace with you. In 1957, Albert Ostman came forward with a strange story about how he had been abducted by a Sasquatch back in 1924. Ostman had heard stories about the "man beasts" who supposedly roamed these woods, but refused to believe them. This all changed after a prospecting holiday in Toba Inlet (British Columbia), when a Sasquatch carried him off and forced him to live with its family. The supposed captors were 3 adults and a child. Apparently the Sasquatch wanted to use Ostman for breeding purposes! Ostman said he was taken as a suitor for the young female Bigfoot of the family, whom he described as shy and flat-chested. After six days Ostman was able to escape the perverted Sasquatch family. After some time of slogging through the wilderness, ever wary of being followed, Ostman was finally rescued by some loggers and brought back to civilization.
Another bizarre kidnapping was of a 17-year-old girl named Serphine Long, who in 1871 was reportedly forcefully abducted by a large, male Bigfoot while hiking at Morris Mountain, in British Columbia, Canada. According to the victim, she was held captive by the Bigfoot and its family for around a year, during which time she claims to have been raped by the large male, before the abductor suddenly dumped her back to the place from which she had disappeared. Not long after this it was claimed that she gave birth to a deformed baby.
In 1962 a zoologist named Boris Porshnev researched a story of a hominoid named Zana. Zana was a female Bigfoot that was captured in Russia. She was taken to a village where she was held captive, until she became tame enough to do simple chores like a slave. She never learned to talk, only making inarticulate sounds and mutterings. She was described as 6 feet 6 inches tall, having black skin, with her body being covered in reddish-black hair. After being mated with many of the village men, she gave birth to four children. Two males, two females.
Another weird thing I came across is from author Jan Klement, who describes in his book "The Creature: Personal Experiences with Bigfoot", his encounters with a Bigfoot he fondly named Kong. In the early 1970's at a rural Pennsylvania cabin, Klement writes that during one of his visits, he noticed that “Kong had arrived at the cabin with this massive erection. Usually his penis hung limp and after a time it ceased to exist limp, it seemed to be about an inch in diameter and about six inches long. It looked very human with a red head that occasionally poked out from the foreskin. His testicles were not overly large but they hung to about the same length as the penis.” What in the fuck...and here I thought bears in the forest was pretty scary.
He describes another event: “There was a commotion among the cows ... . Kong was mounted on a large Holstein cow and was shoving away. The cow would start to walk away and Kong would lift his legs and hang on with his hands cupped against the side of the cow until it would stop and then he would begin working his buttocks rapidly again."
The best one yet is of Nancy Hoggert. According to Hoggert, she was tending to her crops in Belfair, Washington, when she discovered that Bigfoot was snacking on her precious plants. Since the Sasquatch was nibbling away at her livelihood, Hoggert decided to dispense a little backwoods justice. Armed with a shotgun, she confronted Bigfoot about his decision to turn her pricey pot plants into an afternoon meal. That’s when things got a little hairy...
Nancy Hoggert allegedly told a website Bigfoot Tracker News, “I pointed my shotgun at him and he put up his hands, scared. That’s when I looked down and noticed he had a huge erection between his legs. I hadn’t gotten any in a while and well, from there, it somehow turned into an adult movie. I don’t know if he started it or I did. He did me from behind, which felt great.”
Since Nancy and Bigfoot — whom she lovingly refers to as John — are having a lot of fun together, Hoggert is thinking about changing her last name to Bigfoot. What’s more, she wouldn’t be completely opposed to having a child with the legendary monster.
“Once I’m pregnant, Bigfoot, or John as I call him, and I are going to settle down and live a quiet domesticated life in my house. He loves living in the forest, but I’m sick of the long-distance relationship. I have to commute for three hours to be with my man. It’s getting old and gas is expensive,” Hoggert explained, effectively solidifying the tale’s ridiculousness.
Well on that note...Stay safe in the woods!